Judas
by Epona's Song 908
Summary: Hiroki Listening to Lady Gaga, and remebering his past. ok, it's not very long and the only real reason is cause of swearing...i think...enjoy :


**Judas**

**Ok so yes I'm back, my computer survived...thank god...and I am working...hard...I AM!**

***cough***

**Anyway, I am writing this while I was listening to the song and then it hit me...not hard more like a gentle yet firm thud...no brain damage was sustain... and I was thinking _'OMG this song so reminds me of Hiroki's relationship with Akihiko'_ and I've just read the lyrics and I think I can make this work...I hope...**

**This is a songfic and yummy yaoi so if you don't like either don't read.**

***sigh* I don't own Junjou Romantica or Lady Gaga's song 'Judas'...I kinda wish I owned one of them but...oh well... Oh! BTW I gain nothing from writing this. Also the songs in _italic._ But you all probably figured that out...**

_Oh oh, oh oh  
>I'm in love with Judas<br>Oh oh, oh oh  
>I'm in love with Judas<em>

_Judas! Juda-a-a, Judas! Juda-a-a_  
><em>Judas! Juda-a-a, Judas! GAGA<em>

_Judas! Juda-a-a, Judas! Juda-a-a  
>Judas! Juda-a-a, Judas! GAGA<em>

Hiroki's eyes narrowed as he heard the next song begin on the radio that Nowaki had 'kindly' turned on for him while he was washing the dirty dishes while he entertained the kids. He crinkled his nose as he listened to the song. He didn't really have a problem with Lady Gaga, he just really, REALLY disliked this song for one reason:

It reminded him of his now ridiculous unrequited love for Akihiko, all those years ago.

He frowned deeply at the white foam bubbles in the sink as he reached in to pull out a plate. He didn't really understand why this song affected him so but it just struck a cord.

_When he comes to me I am ready  
>I'll wash his feet with my hair if he needs<br>Forgive him when his tongue lies through his brain  
>Even after three times he betrays me<em>

He guessed it irritated him so because it just reminded him of himself, all those wasted years pinning for a man who would never love him, yet he fooled himself, he devoted his self to the man, willingly, letting him walk over him like he was a doormat.

He shock him head, he wasn't that man anymore. He was better now, he was happy. He had a family. He scrubbed the plate hard, he still hated this song. All those times he had harboured Akihiko from his psychotic editor, did he ever show any appreciation, no, only the infrequent book. He could still remember all those times he would stand at the kitchen door way, leaning against the frame, trying to grow the courage to say 'I love you.'

It never came out.

He sighed as he put the plate on the drying rack, he was glad he hadn't.

_I'll bring him down, bring him down, down  
>A king with no crown, king with no crown<em>

_I'm just a Holy Fool, oh baby he's so cruel_  
><em>But I'm still in love with Judas, baby<em>  
><em>I'm just a Holy Fool, oh baby he's so cruel<em>  
><em>But I'm still in love with Judas, baby<em>

He pulled out the remaining utensils and washed them, then pulled the plug, watching the water drain from the sink. The chorus really hurt. He had been a fool but he hung from every word Akihiko had spoken to him.

Even when most of it was about Takahiro, he was just elated that, in him mind, Akihiko wanted to talk to him, to spend time with him, although later on he would just find out it was only because Takahiro was doing something with his younger brother. It hurt, it always hurt but he would be happy.

He sighed as he stretched his arms up, enjoying the slight pain it brought. He was glad he still wasn't in love with him

_Oh oh, oh oh  
>I'm in love with Judas<br>Oh oh, oh oh  
>I'm in love with Judas<em>

_Judas! Juda-a-a, Judas! Juda-a-a  
>Judas! Juda-a-a, Judas! GAGA<em>

_I couldn't love a man so purely_  
><em>Even prophets forgave his crooked way<em>  
><em>I've learned love is like a brick you can<em>  
><em>Build a house or sink a dead body<em>

He could feel a headache coming on as he wiped down the Kitchen benches, moving on to the table. He had loved Akihiko unconditionally, and he had learnt very quickly that love was like a brick, only it only ever sunk dead bodies in his case.

He sneered as he thought of the men he had slept with, all those one-night stands. All those men he made feel awkward when he cried 'Akihiko' when he came. He had tried to maintain a relationship with those who wanted to but it never worked.

He threw the dish cloth in the sink, he had been so hung up on Akihiko...god he hated the past.

_I'll bring him down, bring him down, down  
>A king with no crown, king with no crown<em>

_I'm just a Holy Fool, oh baby he's so cruel_  
><em>But I'm still in love with Judas, baby<em>  
><em>I'm just a Holy Fool, oh baby he's so cruel<em>  
><em>But I'm still in love with Judas, baby<em>

_Oh oh, oh oh_  
><em>I'm in love with Judas<em>  
><em>Oh oh, oh oh<em>  
><em>I'm in love with Judas<em>

Once again the chorus, he sat down on the seat and rested his head in his hands. The sudden feeling of guilt seemed to sneak up on him suddenly. Here he was thinking about his horrid past, Akihiko and those men when he had the perfect life just a few metres in the lounge-room. He had the man he had secretly always wanted and...almost...perfect children.

Although he would never tell Nowaki, him and their children were the best things that could ever have happened to him. He guessed he must have suffered greatly in a past life to be given such a wonderful life now.

_Ew  
>In the most Biblical sense, I am beyond repentance<br>Fame hooker, prostitute wench, vomits her mind  
>But in the cultural sense I just speak in future tense<br>Judas, kiss me if offence or wear an ear condom next time_

He raised his eyes and glared at the radio. He had no fuckin' idea what that part of the song meant but it sounded kinda gross.

_I wanna love you,  
>But some thing's pulling me away from you<br>Jesus is my virtue,  
>And Judas is the demon I cling to<br>I cling to  
><em>

Ah that meant something to him, he understood that part perfectly. In his mind, this part represented his sweet, baka Nowaki. He remembered the first time he meet Nowaki and his headache seemed to disappear. He had been heart broken, in his mind at the time his life couldn't be any worse and then he had the shit scared out of his by a water rocket.

The big lug had loved him the moment he had seen him, but he had been still hung up on Akihiko. Nowaki was Jesus, he wanted Hiroki to love him but, just as he had wanted Akihiko to love him, and for Takahiro to love Akihiko. A horrible pattern of lost loves and broken hearts, each to scared to speak up in fear that it would all end.

But Nowaki had been strong, he broke the cycle. Hiroki still remembered what he said:

"**What I said normally counts as a love confession."**

"**I asked you to be my tutor because I fell in love with you at first sight."**

Hiroki smiled._  
><em>

_I'm just a Holy Fool, oh baby he's so cruel  
>But I'm still in love with Judas, baby<br>I'm just a Holy Fool, oh baby he's so cruel  
>But I'm still in love with Judas, baby<em>

_Oh oh, oh oh_  
><em>I'm in love with Judas<em>  
><em>Oh oh, oh oh<em>  
><em>I'm in love with Judas<em>

_Judas! Juda-a-a, Judas! Juda-a-a_  
><em>Judas! Juda-a-a, Judas! GAGA<em>

He turned the radio off once the song was finished. It may be a good song, but he still disliked it, always brought back too many bad memories, memories which didn't need to be brought back up. He walked into the lounge-room and looked at the scene in front of him.

Jomei, Maeko and Mamoru were all hanging from their father, making Nowaki look like a tree, while Daisuke happily watched on the couch, laughing and trashing his bottle around. Nowaki gave him a big smile when he noticed him.

"Hey."

Hiroki smiled at him and went to the couch, sitting Daisuke on his lap as he watched his hopeless husband try to get their children off.

He was happy he hadn't fallen for Judas, Jesus seemed so much more fun.

**THE END**

**HA I'm back, and I am working, I've actually got a few one-shots I'm thinking of doing and I've really got to work on "Run"**

**Ok, the reason is my computer almost died...very scary. I updated my page with my mothers but all my works on my laptop...just so happy it still lives, not bad for 5 years.**

**The reason I wrote this is cause I was listening to the song and I thought _'hmm, ya know, that could be Hiroki...'_ and it just went on from there, I hope you enjoyed.**

**You all know what to do, read, review, favourite but no haters...constructive criticism only.**


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